January 14, 2011.
221/188/??? - Nov 26, 2011 to May 25, 2011 (starting weight/current weight/goal weight - start and projected finish of Ideal Protein program.
I didn't post for a while, and while I was not posting, that lack of accountability didn't do me any favors. I've been nibbling. More when it's cold, and only the most delicious bits. My weight loss was only two pounds the last two weeks. Well, ok, two pounds each week. Less than the weeks previously, but not a terrible thing, to lose 2 pounds a week of just the fat.
Why the nibbling, lately? Hi, I'm Sunflower, and I am a compulsive overeater. Well, I was. The problem started pretty early on. in my life. I remember eating extra snacks as far back as first grade.
Now, at age 38, I understand that some basic body chemistry issues and lack of exercise contributed to my "lack of willpower" that was always assumed of me. I was chubby, but bullied into thinking I was a gigantic fat person. A friend asked if I could stay for lunch, and her response was to me. "Now are you SURE you didn't eat lunch before you left home?" Good grief, I was a very tough, indignant
twelve year old, but that was humiliating.
It was after that specific comment that my problem escalated. Suddenly, I realized that this could happen again, and that next time, the person could choose to disbelieve me, and I'd have to go hungry. That is when I started stashing food. I had food on me a lot - just in case. Then, I would nibble that throughout the day. I would simply forget that I originally intended for that food to save me, not hurt me.
Hurting myself is what my weight was doing, what my eating habits were doing to myself esteem. The theory of sugar addiction was curious to me for years. Now that I've had two periods of my life avoiding almost all sugars, I can say that I do not want to go back to eating sugary food/drinks all the time. I do not want to add sugars to my system without keeping track of them.
It's very, very easy to add forgettable foods into our everyday eating patterns. Pass the professional admin's desk, swipe a mini-candy-bar. At the dessert bar, put on extra whipped cream. After work cocktail hour - you're trying to be good, so you have no alcohol, but you eat a handful of peanuts and stale bar mix and a soda. That's at least 200 calories that only had a few grams of nutritional value. That's making the body use energy to store ... energy.
With the Ideal Protein program, I feel like I'm getting exactly the right amount of energy. My body is breaking down fat - I know because my husband says I'm smaller all the way around. It's working, and I'm not feeling anything but excellent - I shoveled for my usual two and a half hours with only some cramps in my left thigh the next day. Pretty good for pushing 40!
What has helped me keep from being boring is how I've been preparing my food. I love experimenting with the spicy and strong flavors when I make my salad in the evening. Two kinds of lettuce, green bell peppers, celery, cucumbers, dill pickles, and raw onions, with copious amount of baby spinach, all get put into a huge bowl. At the evening meal, I love to put freshly squished garlic into my salad - I usually prefer to roast it. Then I add cider vinegar and a bit of grape seed oil, with herbs, and then vigorously mix the salad up. For more fun, add in horseradish or/and hot mustard (with no sugar). Mmmm, I love the intensity of this dish!
At least 20 people a week tell me that I look "so good", and it's nice to have a little bit of that, but I realize it's a shortcut for some people. I mean, "way to reduce your probability of stroke, type II Diabetes and
atheroschlerosis!" is a wee bit awkward. I'll take "you look so good" any day of the week.
On the flip side, I am not a huge fan of being called "skinny" as a compliment. I'm beautiful at any size, so telling me that being "skinny" has made me more valuable in your life is not appreciated but not given that much weight, either. (pun was not meant).
I'm really not a fan of being called a "bitch" for losing weight or having discipline, either. I know that there is a book that is called "Skinny Bitch" that has inspired a lot of people. I read it and I like their mentality. They knew they needed a name that would get people to look at it. I do not begrudge them for a moment for that. Their no-excuses mentality is helpful, for sure. To me, there's a huge difference between calling a book "Skinny Bitch" and being labeled (even if it is a "joke") a "bitch" for body size. One of the least judgemental people I ever met was a size "zero" and hated the assumption that she was stuck up just because she was skinny.
Eating Ideal Protein was easier than trying to get lunch in the Newport Marriott during a National Sales Meeting lunchbreak - in winter! I just went up to my room, and ate the yogurt I had made earlier and chilled in the in-room refrigerator and had a bunch of vegetables that I had brought with me. I had intended to keep them in my cooler with ice from the hotel, but the small refrigerator was perfect for my veggies. Score for me!
Every day I'm making choices that are mostly good ones, and I'm being reminded of how little I really need. With no sugar in my system, I'm even forgetting to eat! But I will eat when I think about it. I am not
swinging towards anorexia.
I think I'm swinging back to just being me, with a healthy pancreas and a healthier relationship to food. Hooray!
Namaste,
Sunflower!
